10 months and 20 days...

...since my last blog post. forgive me blogger for i have sinned.

woops. well, i'm back. i think the time off should have been plenty of time to kill off what little readership i had before, but oh well...more privacy for me. when no one's watching, you can be free.

so what's happened in the last 10 months or so?

• been working my tail off. i read my last post about "learning a new business" and it took me a few days to remember what the hell i was talking about. then it hit me..ahh, right. well, that project got shelved. but 8 months later, it's back on, so i can't talk about it again. other than that, i've become the defacto senior web producer for my group, because of attrition and lack of new hiring. the upside is that i get staffed to every large project. the downside is that there's only so much time in a day.
• i'm coming up on a much-needed vacation. we're leaving for maui in 2 days. i'm excited, yet not. it's weird. you get on a roll at work and you don't really want to leave that. plus i have a hard time leaving some of the most important people in my life: sangiovese, tempranillo, pancetta, and prosciutto. (in case you're wondering the first 2 are goldfish and the latter 2 are my turtles.)
• i haven't talked to my family enough. i think i'm developing an old-man level phobia of talking on the phone, because i just despise it. so much to the point that i have a hard time calling my brother just to see how he's doing. if you asked me where he's working now, i'd have no idea. yeah, it's that bad.
• the suns nearly blew it in the first round of the playoffs. man, i have NEVER been that pissed in my entire life. after game 3, i was just wrecking things. but that was a momentous occasion for me, as an obsessed sports fan. it's like "hitting bottom" as a drug user. you hit bottom and you realize that you've hit bottom, and that's when you decide to pick up the pieces in your life and turn things around. and so i did. sports won't affect me as much as they used to. or so i hope, just wait till next june.
• i'm obsessed with the "•". i use this with ALL my emails now to lay out bullet points. on a mac, it's "alt" + "8".
• i've decided to go back to school. eventually. why? i can't think of a good reason, really. something tells me that it's time. you know, it's the same feeling you get in your head. it's time to get married. it's time to end this relationship. it's time to buy a new car. it's just time. the feeling i get is that i can't do this job forever. my biggest problem is i just don't have it in me, to take what someone else said as gospel and just go do it unquestioningly. aapl's got a culture of that, at least in my group, and it's a cultural thing that comes all the way from the top, down to us. anyway, my point is, i don't like being told what to do. and i hate sucking up. the faster i can get to a place where I'M telling people what to do, and they're sucking up to ME, the better.
• don't get me wrong, i hate suck-ups. but if you had to choose between sucking up and being sucked up to, which would you prefer?
• i saw "the last kiss," the movie by zach braff (ok i know he didn't make the movie but i can't be bothered to look it up. the guy who wrote "crash" wrote it.) why is this significant? it wasn't a great movie, by any stretch, but it was good. why was rachel bilson so attracted to zach braff? i mean, that NEVER happens. you just don't get coed hotties coming up to you, forcing their number on you, and basically dragging your ass to bed, with little or no effort on your part. anyway, i digress. the reason why that movie's significant, and this is the same thing i've been telling other people, is that zach braff's character? that's ME. i'm in his point in life. almost 30, in a very good place in life, happy, stable...but not quite ready to say: this is it. not quite ready to stamp some "final" details on my life. i'm almost there, just not...quite...there...yet. and i don't think it's a fear of commitment, to another person, or a mortgage. to me, it's the fear of turning in your last crazy dream you had for yourself. am i ready to shelve that last dream? i was telling di the other day, the mid-20s crisis comes from reconciling what you thought you'd be doing at 25 when you were 21. so this is kind of the same thing. i'm battling the expectations i had on myself when i was 21. or 18. or 12. "by the time i turn 30, i want to..."

anyway, in case you were wondering, that last post, that's why i'm here. it's time to figure some shit out.
forgive me blogger, for i have sinned. it's been 10 months and 20 days since my last post.
but, i'm back.