stress.

people in today's world are under way more stress than they used to be, even say, 10 years ago. off the top of my head, let me think of a few things that we worry about these days that we didn't used to have to worry about:

..:: don't get fat, because you need to look like a magazine cover. wear branded clothes, because if you don't look cool enough you'll never get into the hip clubs. get into the hip clubs, because anyone who doesn't is a loser. practice good hygiene - you need to floss, exfoliate, brush, apply, rinse, repeat, scrub, gargle, trim, moisturize, all that, every day. eat right - count carbs, count calories, count empty calories, count pounds. eat less meat, eat less cholesterol, eat whatever the AMA, the AHA, the FDA, and dr. phil tells you to. stay on top of current events and entertainment, otherwise you'll never have a conversation at a party again. have a good job or career, otherwise you'll never have a conversation at a party again. take exotic vacations, otherwise you'll never have a conversation at a party again. accept that you'll never being able to buy a home. accept that you'll never be able to save enough for retirement. accept that you'll never be able to save enough for your kid's college education. accept that you'll never be able to save enough to get that new BMW that comes out next year. stay on top of technology, because if you have a cell phone the size of your palm people will laugh at you. check your voicemail immediately. check your email every day. spam. respond immediately to whoever wants to reach you at any time of the day. find and retain a great spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/significant other. exercise, but do it properly. don't get hurt without insurance. don't drive a car without insurance. don't rent, buy, lease, sell without insurance. don't sign your name without consulting a lawyer. don't worry about your credit score, because your FICO score is what matters. don't bother buying anything unless your FICO score is high. don't run up too much debt, otherwise your FICO score will drop. don't miss any payments, otherwise your FICO score will drop. don't give out your social security number, and make sure you shred any documents with your name on it. don't get phished. don't get a virus. don't get spyware. don't smoke. don't breathe second hand smoke. don't breathe second hand smoke on the person next to you, and don't curse, fart, burp, look them directy in the eye, shake their hand, give them a hug, just be prepared to make some witty comment about the weather.

deep breath.

ok i feel better now. i think i'll go have a beer.

ps. thinking about hip clubs, has anyone noticed that the only people in the world that are PAID to exercise their prejudice are the fucking bouncers at clubs? i want a job where i can routinely dismiss people that are fat, skinny, black, white, yellow, ghetto, ugly, noisy, trashy, or whatever strikes my fancy that particular day. "today is the 3rd friday of the month...no lesbians today."

by the way, if you're a little asian man, every day is the 3rd friday of any month.

you have just been ralamed.